Jessica’s Story Part 1- The Exciting Baby Appointment
On December 28th, 2020, my husband and I walked into our 20-week ultrasound appointment. Many call this, “the exciting baby appointment,” because you really get to see pictures of your baby. Due to Covid, Jarrod hadn’t been able to go to any appointments with me. He got to hear the baby’s heartbeat via facetime at 9 weeks. We were excited to check in on our little guy, Hudson. We already knew we were expecting a boy from the genetics blood test we did, which told us the gender and that there was a low risk of major chromosome abnormalities.
We checked in and waited to be called back. I was told at my previous appointment that my husband could only come back for the ultrasound only. He would not be allowed to the doctor’s appointment afterward and would have to go wait in the car. Being the planner that I am, I had already told and retold my husband this three times. “Don’t forget, you can only be there for the ultrasound, after that you’ll have to wait in the car until I see the doctor, and then we can go get something to eat.” I’m not sure what made me so fixated on that detail they provided to me.
The tech called my name and we walked to her with smiles on our faces. She took us back and began the ultrasound. Our boy was very active on the ultrasound, she commented on that quite a bit. She made it a point to say “I tell everyone if I get quiet, just know I’m concentrating so don’t be alarmed.” I didn’t think much of it because I had never been pregnant before and obviously wanted her to do a good job. She got some pictures, verified he was indeed a male, and was done. She said she was going to type up the report and then the doctors would be in to talk with us. Hmm…she said us…but I’m sure she meant just me because they told me Jarrod wouldn’t be allowed in after the ultrasound.
“Okay, I’m going to take you all down to the waiting room and the MA will be by to get you soon to get you all in a room.” She walks us down to a small waiting room and points for us to wait there. I look back confused, “Oh, can he stay with me for this part?” I asked. “Um yeah, I’m sure they’re going to allow that.” She didn’t hold my gaze for long, but in that second that she did, I could see it in her eyes. I instantly felt my body go numb. Something was wrong…something was terribly wrong. They are letting Jarrod stay with me and they specifically told me he wouldn’t be allowed to. I could feel tears forming in my eyes and I pushed them away.
I looked over at my husband, who was admiring the ultrasound photos and already taking pictures of them to send to the family. He looked up and immediately said, what’s wrong?
“This isn’t right, you’re not supposed to be allowed back with me…I think something’s wrong.”
“Well maybe they just made an exception, it’s going to be okay, let’s just wait for the doctor to talk to us.”
I sat and continued to push back tears and tried to calm myself down. They finally came and got us, took me to triage, and Jarrod to the room. The MA made small talk with me and I can’t even remember my answers because my mind was racing. I kept thinking to myself, it’s all going to be okay, I’m perfectly healthy and so is my baby. Together we waited for the doctor to come in. She came in, smiled, and asked how the holidays were and after I answered she took a breath.
“The sonographer saw some concerning images of your baby’s heart, so we are going to refer you to maternal-fetal medicine for a more in-depth look”
My whole body went completely numb and time seemed to slow down. I couldn’t form any words and looked over at my husband, who was already asking a million questions. “Wait, what do you mean by concerning images?” She continued on by saying heart defects are the most common birth defects and showed us images and said I’m unable to see all 4 chambers of the heart. The conversation going on between my OB and husband was white noise in my head because all I could hear were her words “the sonographer saw some concerning images of your baby’s heart” playing over in my head.
I finally came to and asked “so, you’re going to refer me to where?” She explained Maternal-Fetal Medicine (MFM is what I would come to call it routinely), are high-risk doctors and they have better ultrasound equipment and would be able to get a better look than they could with their equipment. “It could be that we just didn’t get a good picture…” she finished.
After an uncomfortable ending to an earth-shattering appointment, we made our way back outside and just sat in the car. We didn’t speak, just sat. We agreed to wait until we got home to call anyone. The bad thing was, everyone knew we were going to our 20-week ultrasound and were texting asking if we could send any pictures.
Over the next few days, I would tell the story to just a few people. They all said the same thing. “I really think everything is fine and they just didn’t get a good picture of the heart because he was so active.” I would smile at them and nod, but I had already prepared myself that wasn’t going to be the case. MFM was able to get us scheduled for an ultrasound 11 days later. I continued to get up each day, go to work and not think about any of it. No one outside of my tight circle knew of the emotional roller coaster going on inside of my head.
On January 8th, 2021, we took the day off work and headed to our MFM appointment. The sonographer was very sweet and asked if we had a name picked out yet. “Yes, it’s Hudson,” I smiled. She took A LOT of pictures and went to go get the MFM doctor. He came in and explained what he was seeing. There was definitely a cardiac abnormality and it would most likely require surgery right after birth. He explained there was a hole in the heart (VSD) and that the pulmonary valve was larger, while the aortic valve was smaller. However, no diagnosis was given because it would ultimately be cardiology, the experts, to do that. Until we could meet with cardiology, it was agreed that MFM would take us on for the remainder of my pregnancy. We left this appointment feeling much better than the last because at least we had some clarity on things to expect. Our fetal echocardiogram was scheduled for February 4th.
The next few weeks were a blur. I was busy at work preparing for a new assistant to come on board, who would help cover things when I had to be out on maternity leave in May. I was more open to letting people know that something was going on with our baby. I kept it simple “Yes, he’s going to have to have surgery, but we’ll get through it.” During those weeks though, I learned quickly that people meant well, even if their comments seemed ignorant. For example, when I would tell people of the VSD, they would immediately ask what that meant. I would say “oh it’s a hole in the heart.” “Oh, well a lot of kids have those, and they just correct on their own…” I would just take a breath and think to myself, yes I know that but it doesn’t make this situation any less scary.
On January 29th, I had my 24-week prenatal follow-up with MFM. I told my husband he didn’t need to come to the appointment. “They’re just going to check my blood pressure and weight, I won’t be in there long.” HA!
I had never been pregnant and was definitely not familiar with a high-risk pregnancy. I got another ultrasound, which I wasn’t mad about because it meant more baby pictures of sweet Hudson. The sonographer took all of the photos, left, and then came back in and set a sheet down. “So, I’m going to need to do a transvaginal really quick to measure your cervix.”
“Oh, okay…” I replied, a little confused. No one had ever said anything about measuring my cervix, and I wasn’t even sure what the point of it was. She got what she needed to get and said the doctor would be in soon to talk to me. The same doctor as last time came in to see me. He explained the images of the heart were still about the same and we were still waiting for my fetal echocardiogram, which would be the following week. He then cleared his throat and asked “Have you had any cramping or abnormal discharge recently?” I answered no because I hadn’t.
He went on to explain how I had a short cervix, measuring at 1.9 cm. It shouldn’t have been that short for someone who was only 24 weeks gestation and that it put me at greater risk of going into preterm labor. He gave me a few options, including hospitalization. We agreed that I would be on bed rest at home with weekly check-ins. He finished by saying “I just don’t want anything to happen in the next 2-3 weeks and we can’t say we didn’t take extreme measures.” He put me off work for two weeks and scheduled check-in on February 4th after my fetal echocardiogram.
I had to return to work that day, explain to my HR director what was going on, cry, and within an hour return home where I lay on the couch until my husband got home. Talk about terrible timing. My assistant had just started working with me 3 weeks earlier. I didn’t have time to be off work, I still had so much to do to prepare for my maternity leave, which was now going to include an open heart surgery for Hudson. I still had 16 weeks to go in my pregnancy. Was I really going to have to remain on bed rest for 16 weeks…? So far, this pregnancy was nothing like I had envisioned. I hadn’t been able to process all that had happened in the span of a month and unfortunately, the emotional roller coaster ride I was on was far from over.
If you or someone you know is looking to tell their story please visit our Sign-up page or our Home page for more information.
Comentários